Finn Payton's Childish Scrawls

Fourteen-year-old that spends his time playing video games, staring at his Facebook feed, and learning useless facts that he can bring up at future parties to look knowledgeable.


I love that Finn’s library of Google Play music includes Tupac and Soothing Songbirds. 

I find it more amusing that Biggie is right next to Soothing Songbirds.

Last night, in my tired stupor, I apparently decided that it would be a good idea to download a “Soothing Songbirds” collection to my Google Play account. This was probably to help me fall asleep, but I’d like to point out that, not only did I add the collection to my library, but I went through the unnecessary step of downloading it locally to my phone.

I can’t help but think that this is the kind of thing I’d do while drunk.

"I just love these songbirds so much."

My Birthday

I’d like to take this time to talk about the events that happened on my birthday.

But Finn, your birthday was literally one week ago!

Thank you for your input, omniscient representation of my audience, but this isn’t your blog.

Gah.  Fine.


So, my birthday was pretty great.  To start things off, I received quite a few cards in the mail (most of which contained money).  Then, on the morning of my birthday, my parents woke me up by loudly singing Happy Birthday to me through my door.  My dad ended the song with a resounding “Get the hell out of beeeeeeeeeeeeed.”  

I then came downstairs to find two donuts, a new pair of sunglasses, a three-pound bag of gummy bears, and a bag filled with three books.

In the words of Ice Cube (kinda), “I gotta say, [Finn’s birthday] was a good day.”

I then hung out with my lady-friend, Aurora, for the better portion of the afternoon.

10 out of 10.  Would have my birthday again next year.


Me: You know the Super Bowl is tomorrow, right?

Finn: I do now.

The thing that has probably surprised me the most about parenting is the fact that my child can be so much like us and yet not like us at all. I mean, it’s like he’s his own person and junk. What’s up with that?

Scott played every sport as a kid. You name a sport and he’s probably got some grade school picture where he’s wearing that uniform. And while I wasn’t always an active participant, I certainly grew up following and enjoying sports. Two older brothers who force you to watch college football instead of Scooby Doo on Saturday mornings will make you a sports fan right quick.

So it cracks me up that Finn has no interest in sports. Zero. We took him to a couple of professional and college games early on, and he played soccer, baseball and basketball for a few years. We even had a Super Bowl party at our house back when the Seahawks were in it when Finn was 6 years old.

But during the 4th grade I asked Finn if he was ready to to sign up for basketball again, and he looked at me very matter-of-factly and said, “Uhhhh, let’s face it, mom. I suck at sports.”

And it wasn’t so much that he sucked. I don’t think we would have tortured him for that long if he was really that bad. But he wasn’t that great, and he just wasn’t interested. And he certainly didn’t care who won. He liked the treats and some of the other players, but whenever I think of Finn dribbling the basketball trying to protect it from the defender I imagine him saying, “Here, take it. You clearly want it more than I do. And can you point me in the direction of the juice boxes?”

So we found other hobbies to enjoy together. And now Finn teases us about watching sports ball, and we tease him about being The Worst 12th Man Ever! I’m sure he’ll take a break from All Things Computer today to make his third peanut butter and jelly sandwich and watch Bruno Mars. And he’ll ask us if the Seahawks are winning.

He may not be rooting for the Seahawks, but he’s rooting for us.

I think the real issue is that I wasn’t competitive enough. A competitive person doesn’t literally dodge the basketball when it’s passed to him.

Broadcast Class

My school’s Broadcast class has truly been an interesting journey.  I signed up for it in seventh grade, but I really didn’t know what I was getting into at the time.  It’s esentially the most stressful class I’ve ever been in.

For example, we had a bit of a meltdown this morning when the laptop that runs the teleprompter software wouldn’t start.  After an intense session of praying to the gods of Windows 7, we decided that it was useless.  We then unplugged the laptop entirely, dragged it out of the room, and dragged in an iMac.  We then had to set the iMac up with the day’s script.

I’m really suprised that no one had a panic attack during all of that, because it all happend seven minutes before we went live.  Do you know how difficult it is to move an iMac in seven minutes?

And I do this for FUN.

Yes, I said it: I do this for fun.  Esentially, I’m Spongebob, while Mrs. Bryson (the Broadcast teacher) is Mr. Krabs.  I don’t get paid, but I show up to work with a smile anyway.


On to the Second Semester

The start of the second semester hasn’t been as jarring as I originally thought it would be.  This is probably due to the fact that I only have one new class: Washington State History.

All of the kids from my Skills for Life class (that’s what they call health class in Sumner) were picked up and plopped right into Washington State History.  Good deal, if you ask me.

I got out of taking PE in the second semester due to the fact that I’m taking two year-long encore classes (Broadcast and Band).  I always assumed that it was required by law to take PE.  Apparently, all it takes is a parent signature.

And a lie about a serious medical condition.

Just kidding.

But I DO like to gloat about skipping PE a lot.

No one likes me when I do that.

I made this video for my school’s news broadcast.

I’m rather proud of myself.

I don’t know about any of you, but my morning was pretty great.

I woke up at 1 AM (again).  Upon realizing that this was an unreasonable hour to be awake, I went to sleep, waking up again at 7 AM.

I then decided to take a walk.  And by “walk,” I really mean “Huge trip across town to get so much candy that I’ll have to empty out my school backpack and take it with me to carry it all.”

In total, that’s a 3-pound bag of Haribo gummy bears (which I later realized that, due to the metal in my mouth, I’m not supposed to eat.  I’m eating them anyway ‘cuz I’m a rebel), 4 “Giant” Hershey’s bars, and a 1-liter of Coca-Cola.

I regret nothing.

Okay, I’m a little sick.  I regret that.

Washington: The Edgy Teenager

I woke up this morning at around 1:00 AM to the sound of violent rainfall and thunder.  Washington probably thinks it’s so cool with its rainfall and thunder.  I just thinks it’s SO edgy!  Is this what it wants?!  My sarcasm?!

Of course, as soon as it stopped raining, I got ready to go outside.  And what happened right as I finished getting dressed?  Violent rainfall!

So, basically, I can only describe the weather today as, “Bleh.”  Or maybe it would be better described as, “Ugh.”  Either way, it’s deplorable.

I’ve been home alone since early morning, and I’ve spent the majority of my day listening to Indie Rock and browsing Imgur.

I give this day a 7/10 so far, despite the rain.


Hey guys, I have a favor to ask…

OK, so I’m writing an article about the death of the selfie, specifically among Millennials-slash-Gen Y. I dunno if it’s true, but my premise is that teens and 20-somethings have given up on taking selfies cuz a) peeps are tired of selfies and b) the whole notion of selfies has become lame because old peeps (like the Pope and President Obama) have starting taking selfies, so whatevs.

For a generation that is stereotyped as being narcissistic and constantly in need of validation (according to old peeps, at least), giving up on the selfie might seem a bit extreme. If you’re a teen or a 20-something, have you given up on the selfie? If so, why? If not, why?

Conversely, has the selfie become a contact sport (i.e., #selfiegame #selfieolympics), and thus become less about validation and more about one-upping your peers?

Bonus questions: Are you still on Facebook? If so, why? If not, is it because Facebook is where old peeps go to talk about politics and share pics of their kids? Twitter or Instagram? What’s Snapchat?


I never started taking selfies in the first place, and I’ve had a phone since around…birth. I don’t see the point. It’s just. like, 17,000 photos of your face. I would say kids in middle school are still taking selfies, but it’s mostly girls.

I’m still on Facebook, but that’s mostly to chat with friends, and to look at stupid people. I rarely post anything on Facebook. I don’t use Twitter, and I look at Instagram on occasion. Instagram is mostly big with girls, hence the selfies. “Look at my Starbucks and my face. And my Ugg boots!”  Snapchat is getting to be a bigger thing, but that’s mostly to see who can make the ugliest face evah.

I’m mostly on Facebook, because all my friends are. I really like Google+, but nobody else seems to share my passion. The “Circles” system that Google has put in place works way better than Facebook’s friend system, and it just seems better organized (you look at the shizz you want to when you want to).

Hope that helps! 


My boys are at church tonight. Church! Because we all know Santa goes to church on Christmas Eve to take a few last minute photos with kids right before he flies off to deliver presents.

And Payton Photography will be there to capture those special moments.

Right after Finn tests out Santa’s chair.

I’m home getting ready for a few dinner guests. I’m making enchiladas and listening to The Flaming Lips. You know, traditional Christmas type stuff.

The Struggles of a Teenage Mind

Hello, Imaginary Audience!  Long time no see.

Actually, never mind.  I’m not even going to pretend that I don’t neglect this blog.  I don’t write here very often, and when I do, I’m in a very sleep deprived state (in other words, right now.)  Although, I should really start writing here again.  How else am I going to retire into luxury on a throne built entirely of Google AdSense dollars?

At this point in my life, I don’t really know what I’m doing.  I don’t know where my life is going.  All I know is that I’m going somewhere.  I’ll just have to wait and see where that somewhere takes me.

A majority of my time is spent playing video games with a group of online friends and making old movie references that only the 20-something-year-old leader of the group understands.  For example, "All talk and no games makes Finn a dull boy."

That’s a pretty… shining quote, wouldn’t you say?  Heh?  Heh?  HEH?!

I usually end up stumbling into bed in the early hours of the morning.  I might go to sleep at 11 PM if I’m not feeling very dangerous.

'Cuz, you know, I'm a bad boy and all.  I have a computer and some video games and… no?  I have misinterpreted what “bad boy” means in the minds of my generation's teenagers?  Oh.  I see.

I still have a computer and video games.  Now that I’ve announced that to the world I expect women to be lining up at my door aaaaaaany second now.

Also, I don’t really know what I’m going to do in terms of a career path (or life goals and motivation, for that matter.)  I’d much rather work from home than have to drive somewhere every day.  I have two main reasons for this:

  1. My dad’s hatred of other drivers has evolved into my hatred of other drivers.  ”C’mon, dude!  You can’t do that!  Use your damn blinker!
  2. Human interaction is difficult.

Like I said, I’m going somewhere.  Where that somewhere is?  Hell, I don’t know.  I’m blogging to an Imaginary Audience!  You can’t expect me to know what I’m doing with anything, let alone the direction of my life and where I’ll be in the future!

You’re killin’ me, Smalls!

Heh?  HEH?!

Train Stories


What are the odds of sitting across from someone on the train VIOLENTLY chewing gum both on the ride in and on the ride home today? I thought the dude this morning was bad, but he’s got nothing on this afternoon’s open-mouthed bubble blower. She’s a cartoon.

And this is supposed to be less stressful than sitting in rush hour traffic how? Cuz I’m about ready to choke a beotch.

Or ask her for some gum. Because it’s clearly delicious.

My mother, everybody.

Hello, Imaginary Audience!  Welcome back!  How have you been?  Here, have some imaginary tea.  Why don’t you relax on this imaginary couch?

Over the course of the last few weeks, I’ve found myself writing quite a bit more than I usually do.  The writing isn’t in this blog, as you may have noticed (maybe you haven’t, I don’t know.)  This writing is in a small journal that I’ve started to carry around.

Now, let’s get one thing straight, this is not the sort of journal where I keep my deep dark secrets hidden.  I just write down my life,  which, as I’ve just recently realized, is kinda boring.  Most of the things I write about aren’t at all noteworthy, but I tend to write them down anyway. 

I don’t know why I’m so interested in this idea all of the sudden.  I just opened the book one day and wrote down what was happening.  It eventually became quite fun, sometimes even the highlight of my day.

It almost feels like writing in this journal is somewhat of an escape.  I don’t typically have much that I need escape from, but it’s relaxing nonetheless.

That is all, Imaginary Audience.  Goodnight.